COMMANDMENTS - Foxhunting in Virginia
Foxhunting in Ol' Virginny
Foxhunters' Commandments
One fellow, all dressed-up for a day's foxhunting, was asked, "Where you goin' dressed like that?" He answered, "Church."

Someone else observed that foxhunting involved a lot of the attributes of a religion, outwardly at least.

Another fellow suggested that if foxhunting declared itself a religion, it would have tax-exempt status and would get official "hate-crime" protection from anti-hunting harassment.

That's how the idea of a Church of Foxhunting was born; and since all good religions need a set of immutable laws, we have these. Whether they were divinely inspired or not, well... I guess that's a matter of faith, but there's nothing written in stone, here. Slide Show (test)


Thou shalt not Kill...
Thou shalt Account-For.


Thou shalt observe the Sabbath according to thy Fixture Card and, forsaking all Labors, thou shalt commune with thy Brethren in thy Master's Field; and thou shalt be rewarded, for thy Master shall shower His Blessings upon thee with a Bye Day.


Interfereth not with thy Master's Hounds and interposeth not thyself between Them and thy Master lest ye be damned unto Hell by thy Master, for They are thy Master's Disciples and follow the Path of St. Reynard unto the End of the Day, yea even into the Bowels of the Earth shall They seek Him. Likewise shalt Thou bide thy Tongue while thy Master's Disciples seek the true Path, for They shall make a joyful Noise unto Heaven.


Thou shalt not suffer any of thy Host's Gates of Paradise to remain unclosed, lest His Cattle wander the Face of the Earth and follow in the Ways of Evil, and thereby suffereth thou the Expulsion of thy Master's Flock from the Garden.


Thou shalt not trample out the Vintage where the Grapes of Wrath are stored; but thou shalt keep unto the nether Regions of thy Host's sown Fields, lest ye reap the Whirlwind.


Thou shalt not suffer thy Sole to go unto the Earth that it becometh unclean, except that thou openeth a Gate unto another Garden of Paradise, or that thou easeth the Burden of St. Equinas, or that thou ministerest unto the Halt and the Infirm.


Thou shalt not suffer the Soil of the previous Sabbath to remain upon thy Garments or thy Tack, for it is unclean, and it is an Abomination unto the Sight of thy Master.

Thou shalt cleanse thy Sole which is unclean as ye enter into the House of thy Host, lest ye be damned unto Hell by thy Hostess.


Thou shalt make Offerings unto thy Master from the Bounty of thy Flask, and He shall raise thy Spirits. Blessed also is He who resurrecteth Himself as He partaketh of his own Flask, for He raiseth his own Spirits. Likewise shalt thou praise thy Host unto the Heavens for His bountiful Stirrup Cup, for then thou raiseth His Spirits also.


Thou shalt not relieve thy Spirits in the sight of thy Master's Flock, lest thy Nakedness be made manifest and thou suffereth the mock of His Congregation and be called Fool.


Thou shalt walk thy Master's Puppies; for if ye do as He biddeth, thou shalt have His everlasting Love.


Thou shalt suffer the little Children to come unto thy Master, for they shall be Enraptured and shall follow in the Ways of St. Reynard all the Days of their Lives.


Thou shalt build Panels unto thy Host for He hath placed in His Garden many Obstacles which encircleth His Cattle round-about and detereth Those who Trespass against Him. The Panels which thou buildest shall ease the Way of the Chosen People from one Paradise unto another and by forsaking the baser Path shall be blessed to avoid the Gates of Perdition. Two cubits high by ten cubits long shalt thou build them, and of Gopher Wood shalt thou buildest, for they must needs endure the Inadequacy of foolish Men unto the End of Time.


Thou shalt exalt Praise upon and likewise shalt thou sacrifice thy worldly Goods unto St. Equinas for he beareth thy Burden, suffereth for thy Sins and thy Inadequacy, and risketh eternal Peril for thy Sake.

TOP OF PAGE -- Revised: 02 January 2005.
Copyright © 2005 D.Morris
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